Claws
by Sarah May

I travel back in time 
and see my younger self 
that day 
in that house
wishing she could run away 
making herself stay
they told her she should want this
the greatest honor 
to be desired by men
her body frozen
a prayer wishing it could escape 
her lips

I go to her
cradle her in my arms
and take her away 
we run to your shore 
you hold us into the night
we sing to the fire 
and call out our incantations
our cries fueling our power
piercing the shadows through the heart
sending back the ties
they put around our throats
the coyote people howl in unison
mourning and celebrating the light 
found in the darkest night

I thought I had let 
the past version of myself go
she is still here
I have been holding onto her 
so tight
every tear
every heartache
every violation 
we held each other 
long after the bands and bridles
that kept us captive were gone
I let go of what ensnared us
she is ready
I am ready
to be free

You don’t realize the ache you feel
opening yourself into the morning light
the sunrise burns your irises 
the body grieves what it once was 
aching and stretching into another form
going to that next place 
where the phases of the sun 
tell the story of a world on fire
cooling in pouring rain

I am not afraid 
to leave my remains on your exposed bed
a circle of bones as an offering 
I know you will hold them for me
they will become sacred ruins
grounded in power in your waters
where tomorrow’s brujas 
will cast spells 
divining our futures

I have lost count of my scars 
but I never abandoned love
love has never abandoned me
we know the price to be paid for 
liberation
change is grief
grief is change

We are the great love we have been waiting for